Church Emergency

Choosing the right Church is an important decision anywhere, but here in Nashville it is critical not to mess up. The first thing anybody asks you here is what Church you go to, and your answer will determine all sorts of things about your future social opportunities and the destiny of your children, not to mention your place in the life everlasting. To make matters complicated, there are over 700 established congregations and around 100 denominations to choose from in the metropolitan area. It’s easy to procrastinate, and I freely admit that since moving back here I have had trouble making up my mind.

Now that the Rapture is coming, however, I only have a few weeks left, and that is why I have a full-fledged Church emergency on my hands. I briefly thought I had found the right place this weekend, but was disappointed to find that the sign out front was misleading. I turned up for morning worship with my Mardi Gras beads ready for a party, and ended up having to sign up to help homeless people. Yuk! So it’s back to the drawing board. I’ll keep you posted.

© Copyright 2011, Southern Dysfunction



Filed under Church

13 responses to “Church Emergency

  1. Gwen

    My daddy always said “it’s not the building you attend but what’s in your heart that matters.” 🙂

  2. Stacy

    I love this one – remember “Jesus is calling.”

  3. Libby

    Hey girl, I just found your blog…Keep it “real”.. you sound like an international version of Marshall.

  4. april

    Could you please help me with appropriate attire to be raptured? Just in case I make the cut? As a well brought up southern woman, I don’t want to be caught with just anything on. And as I don’t think we’ll be in Nashville, so should I leave a note on the door, just in case we do?

    Thank you.

  5. Would like to know what you find, because maybe this is my problem… I have no “church”. Great post – totally relate!

  6. I didn’t realize there was an impending deadline to find a spiritual home and be property attired.

  7. Church people can be such a buzz-kill…

    Why can’t there be a Jesus parade that’s done with all the celebratory carryin on’s that the Mardi Gras is? We stole Christmas and Easter from the Pagans, I say why not?

    (Exceptin without all the drinkin and nudity of course)

    • I entirely agree. Of course, the Episcopalians will throw a cocktail party at the drop of a hat. But they would get all snooty about a Jesus parade. Nashville definitely needs a Jesus parade. I might have to start a campaign!

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