Pearly Gates

I know, I know, it has been awhile. But this has truly been a busy week, and while everything else is perfect, getting a good internet connection up here in heaven has proved to be incredibly difficult. But I know that y’all will be eager to hear what the Rapture was like and I will do my best to fill you in while my battery power lasts.

I hear that back down there on earth you have been giving Harold Camping a hard time. Oh please: just because he wasn’t included doesn’t mean he didn’t get the date right! Forgive my sarcasm, but frankly, my sympathy is limited, because there are plenty of signs and you should know better: Storms? tick! Locusts? tick! War in the Holy Land? tick! Bad news, folks, you were not chosen.

[Note: Before I go further, just a quick piece of inside information. The President is NOT the Antichrist. Au contraire: turns out he is your only hope, and Jesus told me personally over cocktails last night that unless you have worked on his re-election campaign your application form is going straight in the trash can.]

As for moi?

Those of you who know us both personally will be dumbstruck not be at all surprised to hear that I have been raptured with my cousin Ronnie, who has been visiting me from New York City. And I think we deserved it. Ronnie comes from East Texas and was an Eagle Scout, and I am a lot of fun. With hindsight, it was a no-brainer.

Mind you, at the time, I just thought that the internet had gone down. But then, this happened:

I have got to tell you, that the whole waiting-to-enter-into-heaven thing exceeded expectations:

And now that we have gotten here, well, what can I say? The food is great and the views are outstanding. More people arrive every day on transportation that looks kind of like a cruise ship. A surprising number of them are English, which I have to say, I wasn’t expecting at all. The whole place has a sort of Greek Island vibe. Here is the view from our cloud:

I am just so happy to be here! And for the next couple of weeks or so, I want you to see me as your guardian angel, up here in heaven, drinking retsina and thinking of you.

© Copyright 2011, Southern Dysfunction



Filed under Church

4 responses to “Pearly Gates

  1. Still stuck in land of cicadas! But don’t I get a 2nd shot at this?

  2. rwp

    question? is the entrance to heaven at Pentock Hook and the Pearly gates
    a little way on or is their a connection where you can go up to Heaven- (Skopelos) or down to hell. can you go via mount Olympus and view the other
    option-the Greek Gods? they appear to have a whale of time, or did you try and could not stand the course?

  3. Pingback: Pearly Gates » Greece on WEB

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