Category Archives: Shopping

Shoot ‘Em Up

I belong to a couple of those websites where they send you special offers from local businesses. One in particular came in a couple of weeks ago that attracted my attention — a half-price one-day admission to a shooting range.

I especially appreciated the thoughtful way in which the promotion was worded:

“While it would certainly be convenient to use your backyard for target practice, recreational gunfire in subdivisions is typically frowned upon by the law-enforcement community. Maximize your marksmanship the neighborly way this season by taking aim at today’s deal…”

I am thinking that this might make the perfect present for a close friend whose birthday is coming up and needs all the help she can get. And it might be fun to spend a day at a target range. Miss Pearl is all for it. She shoots guns all the time, and has a lot of common sense. So I am thinking about it. After all, that’s what friends are for!

© Copyright 2012, Southern Dysfunction


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Fishy Feet

And another thing that marks out Staines-on-Thames as one of the most glamorous undiscovered gems of the British Isles is that you can get little fish to eat the dead skin off of your hands and feet for just fifteen bucks in the local mall. Ichthyotherapy is illegal back home in Tennessee, but that’s because only rich people there have healthcare. Here in England, if you catch some weird disease from fish that you paid to eat the dead skin off your feet in a shopping mall, you might raise a few eyebrows in the emergency room, but the treatment is still free. That’s called civilization.

Besides, there isn’t much to do here in the summer rain, so cousin Ronnie and I decided to take my glamorous friend Karen there last weekend and give it a try.


What did it feel like, I hear you asking? It felt like little fish were eating the dead skin off your body. Doh! Fatima, the therapist, explained that they are talking about introducing a full body treatment. We couldn’t decide on that one. Frankly, it could go either way. But what with being an old lady with limited opportunities, as it were, I would certainly be willing to find out.

© Copyright 2011, Southern Dysfunction


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The Party’s Over

Well, it’s back to reality in the UK. Folks here emerged this week from their two-week-long party haze and had to go back to work, even the Duchess of Cambridge, apparently, who attempted to prove that she was still an ordinary person by going out for groceries. I don’t know about you, but I bet she puts that tiara back on the minute she gets in the door and prances around the house. That’s what I would be doing if I were her, anyway.

Of course, the whole thing looked pretty stupid when it turned out that while everyone in London was either drunk or badly dressed or both, President Obama was wiping out Osama Bin Laden.  Thank God he and Michelle weren’t invited, because it would have been really humiliating for him to have had him taken out while he was attending the Royal Wedding. Sheesh!

Anywho, our poor Prime Minister, who had to deal with his wife’s whole hat ordeal with a monumental hangover, was then woken up in the middle of the night to be told the news. Totally understandable in the circumstances that he panicked and sent off a container-load of these as a sort of thank-you present to SEAL Team 6. At least they were half-price…

© Copyright 2011, Southern Dysfunction


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Miracle on Jefferson Street

In the decades following Our Recent Unpleasantness, Jefferson Street in North Nashville was established as the heart of our African American community, and by the 1940s it was a great place to be, as the historical marker here tells us. This all ended in the 1960s though, because desegregation meant that the city, thankfully, had no more need for separate shops and movie theatres. More than a hundred local businesses shut down along the street, and what was left were basically the places that specifically serve African American consumers: hair and nail salons, barber shops, soul food, barbecue, hot chicken, religion, and Fisk University.

In spite of the efforts of our local neighborhood business association, it has been hard to bring prosperity back to the area. But Jefferson Street nonetheless has a character and personality that has vanished from most other more homogenous parts of town. Junior and I live in a gentrified neighborhood off the east end of Jefferson Street, and we love it here.

So, can you guess who’s moving in?

That’s right! It’s my new pals, Greg Sanford and Mario Hambrick from Free At Last Bail Bonding. The boys have begun to acquire property on the Street as part of their rapidly expanding business empire. They presented their plans to the community the other night and Greg invited us to come along, so I brought Junior and Miss Pearl.

I can’t tell you how glad I am that the revitalization of Jefferson Street is going to be in their hands, instead of Burger King or McDonald’s, because I know that Greg and Mario are going to help keep us really weird. So welcome to the neighborhood, guys! I’ll bring brownies to the ribbon cutting ceremony.

© Copyright 2011, Southern Dysfunction


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Turkey Shoot: Fashion Supplement

It didn’t take long at the NWTF Convention this weekend for me to realise that I am going to have to invest in a whole new wardrobe if I am going to take my new life as a single ‘hunting babe’ seriously. Of course, hunting chic is mostly aimed younger women:

But there is a lot available this season that is just classic and ageless.

And for us older ladies looking for more figure flattering hunting wear, there are also numerous options. This ensemble, for example, can easily convert from daytime to evening:

Actually, it reminds me of the Far Eastern fashion craze recently popularized by my Cousin Andy, who is working as a missionary in Beijing.

There were plenty of choices when it came to accessories, too.

But best of all were the earrings being made by the darling and enterprising Tonya Thompson, from Vienna, Georgia. And can I stress here that Tonya does not have a website or an internet connection so you are going to need to contact her directly on the phone. I think that her work is terrific, and bought a pair for Miss Pearl, who couldn’t come to the show with Junior because she was working out at the nursing home. Tonya has come up with the novel idea of making jewellery from fired shotgun shells:

As she says, they are hand-crafted, unusual and the single drops are discreet enough to wear to work. Also, she pointed out that ‘they are made from fully-recycled materials, so they are environmentally friendly too!’

Tonya clearly has a lot riding on the success of her new business, and I wish her all the best. I can imagine that used ammo jewelery handcrafted in Georgia could catch on at some snotty boutique on the Upper East Side. So if you want to order from Tonya, she can be contacted at:

Spent Round Designs
228 Slosheye Trail Est. Road
Vienna, Georgia 31092

(229) 322-0684

© Copyright 2011, Southern Dysfunction


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Is it only me?

From the city that brought you Free at Last Bail Bonding, we are proud to present:










© Copyright 2011, Southern Dysfunction



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