Tag Archives: politics

Democrats don’t Fish

I had the opportunity to take a break from moving Mother and Big Daddy recently, when an old friend from England came to Nashville for a visit with her fourteen year old son in March. He had never been to the South before, and the last time she was here it was for my wedding in 1987, where she tried to make a big impression with my other English girlfriends by singing the Internationale and wearing vintage clothes from Portobello Road.

That sort of behaviour scores so low on the Southern spectrum of eccentricity, however,  that I am afraid that their presence was hardly even recognised. For a start, there really was not a single person in this part of the United States during the Cold War who had ever heard the Internationale. My aunt told everybody that it was the theme tune from our sorority back at the London School of Economics. Which, come to think of it, wasn’t actually very far from the truth…

Anywho, the point I am trying to make is that I spent alot of time thinking about how to fit in a big Southern cultural experience into a long weekend. And it occured to me that of course I needed to take them fishing with the Hillbilly Deluxe Striper Fishing Tours on Lake Cumberland, in Kentucky. On the first day, that is. And I thought that it wouldn’t be a problem to recruit friends to join us on such an awesome adventure. After all, we all know how scenic and cultural that drive from Nashville to Kentucky can be!

But I want you to know, it really wasn’t that straightforward at all. All my snotty liberal Democrat friends just made up dumb excuses: ‘Sorry Harriet, but I am committed to seeing that new Iranian film at the local independent film theatre and then we are going to eat sushi’; ‘Oh I would love to, but there is a fundraiser this weekend for Somalian child soldiers at that new art gallery with a silent auction and Emmylou Harris is supposed to be there.’ You know the kind of thing I mean.

It was a completely different story when I called up my Republican girlfriends though. Even though none of them could make it, largely because they can afford health care and are therefore always having unnecessary surgical procedures, the conversation was, like: ‘Striper fishin’? Well hell yeah! I am gettin’ a lump taken out the day before but if I am well enough I’ll have the doctor put it in a jar and we can use it as bait!’

It was revelatory, let me tell you. And for the first time in my whole life, I found myself on the Republican side. Because, as you can see from the picture, fishing is fun!

Even Blanche got into it (please take notice of the Bass Pro life jacket). She wasn’t sure at first, but by the end of the morning, she was reeling ’em in like a pro:

© Copyright 2012, Southern Dysfunction

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Filed under Dogs, Friends, Sports

Doll Collection

I believe I may have mentioned already that I am helping mother clear out the house that she and Big Daddy have been living in for over fifty years. Yes, it is quite a job, but every day, we find new treasures, and I am enjoying the process in between bouts of tearing my hair out and taking tranquilizers.

When we got to my old bedroom and opened the closet, mom explained that she had saved my doll collection, and that I should be the one who decided what to do about it. They were all in shoe boxes, so I put them in a bag in the car, and waited until I got home to open them up and get a trip down memory lane. I just used to love those dolls.

OK, so the first one I opened was this:

I just want to say something before we go further into this post. First of all I have no memory of this doll. I know that doesn’t sound good. He was probably buried in the doll box and I only played with like, the Scarlett O’Hara doll. There is really nothing else I can say, without making it worse. Except…

Then I had this idea. Earlier on the same day, mother had pulled out her collection of old political badges. I mean, at least they are Democrats, right?  So I did try to make it better:

After that, I decided to call Junior and Miss Pearl into the parlour to help me out, because before I knew what was happening, I had a major political incident on my hands. One by one, we pulled out the dolls and I applied the appropriate badges. Before long, we had a whole feminist liberationist Central America/Cesar Chavez thing going on:

Then it all got a bit silly. Junior offered to donate his Andy Warhol doll (after all, I am my mother’s daughter) to the tableau:

He then decided that these two looked kind of like a couple:

So there you go. Now I have what is perhaps the most politically incorrect mantlepiece on the planet. Or maybe the most politically correct? Who knows? At least I feel as though, in some strange way, I have empowered my dolls.

© Copyright 2012, Southern Dysfunction

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Filed under Family

Happy New Year?

You will have noticed that I have gone with a more political theme for 2012. Yup, it’s going to be quite a year here in the old US of A.

I spotted the Pearls of Christ Church sign while on a road trip recently with my friends Twylene (who we all call ‘Aunt B’) and Bubba. We had to stop and take a picture. The pastor seems to be having some problems explaining the difference between the Bible and politics to his congregation. The church has its own baseball field (dubbed the ‘Field of Grace’), and he has had to post the following on the perimeter fence:

OK, I’m not sure where to start with this sign. For one thing, what with being raised Episcopalian and all, I have never heard of a church where alcohol is not integral to the whole faith thing. I mean, our immediate response to any sacrament is to throw a cocktail party.

But guns and theft? Really? Do we have to post a sign about that? At a Church?

© Copyright 2012, Southern Dysfunction

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Filed under Church, Uncategorized